Thursday, October 09, 2008

The BSR Health Care Plan

The BSR Health Care Plan

Another Look At The Pore Man's Art

Lately, I've been pleasantly surprised to find that people are getting tattoos of things I've drawn. This is quite a compliment for any artist to receive — it's heart-warming to know that someone was willing to sit in intense pain for up to three hours for me. The only other people about whom I could say the same are the unlucky recipients of the meatloaf I made with expired ground beef, expired eggs, and – somehow – expired salt.

I have dealt with the subject of tattoos before. A ways back, I came to the conclusion that the best kind of tattoo was a functional one. With a functional tattoo, even when the luster and novelty of the tattoo has worn off years later, the information it presents still makes it a relevant addition to your skin. But while I proposed a couple practical tattoos, I never really took the next logical step of providing one. Until now, that is.

The Bearskinrug CPR Tattoo

Illustrated Instructions on Performing CPR

Behold! Pictured above is a tattoo detailing the important steps of CPR. Simply download the file from here, go to your local inksmith, and get this handy guide tattooed on your person. I honestly feel that the inside of the forearm is the best place for it. That way you can either refer to it yourself as you give CPR, or it can be easily readable by persons performing CPR on you.

I got the steps from a couple of sources online, but I will warn you I didn't actually run this by a doctor or any sort of legitimate health organization. And while I tried to make things as legible as possible, I'm not exactly familiar with how ink reacts to skin, so hopefully the lettering is large and clear enough. And lastly, I'd recommend that if you plan to get this tattoo, you never wear long sleeves, and always try to have a heart attack while laying on your back. And please, if you do happen to get one, share the results with me. The tattoo I mean. Not the heart attack.

Not that I don't want to hear about your heart attack. Especially if it was my meatloaf that did it.

This has been a Bearskinrug Public Health Message.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 26 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]

Murten

I am truly sorry for making a post like the one above, but I HAD to be the first one. Otherwise my post was a lie and then it would be even more stupid.

One other thing: can salt go bad?

William Stewart

Do you think if I put this on my arm my health insurance rates would lower any? It's worth the shot.

bearskinrug

Murten - You mean... like can it be evil? Sure. It can wreak havoc on blood pressure.

William - Well, it can't make them any higher, right?

michael

Hey, looking at the illustration you forgot to mention the fun first step: "Take off my shirt." Might be optional I guess.

Gentle Jones

"One other thing: can salt go bad?"

Yes, often when a salt falls into the company of a battery the team can be mischievious indeed.

Sophie

Hereís my choice for a chest tatoo : "Do not resuscitate". Much simpler, but Iím sure you could do a striking graphic to emphasize the point. Maybe involving Mojo bashing someone on the head. I plan to get it done once Iíve reached the age when chances of healing nicely after CPR fade.

bearskinrug

Mike - Well, I don't always wear a shirt, so I thought that might get confusing.

Gentle Jones - Actually... what happens when you do that?

Sophie - Well, perhaps you could spruce up the text a bit... "Do Not Resuscitate. Arrange my body so that I die in a dignified position."

Murten

You don't have to necessarily try to have a heart attack while laying on your back if you give the person who has this tattoo a T-shirt to go with it.

"Please read instructions on forearm. Thank you."

Ofcourse he/she will always have to wear that T-shirt and cut holes in his/her jackets and sweaters.

Mmm...

Glindon Marten

"Hey... there's this guy here who sucks at... uh... breathing."

I cant tell you how many times I've heard that.

My tattoo needs to illustrate how to go to my car's glove box and find my inhalor.

BRYAN

Bravo! I can imagine an entire medical emergency series. Hundreds of people will proudly display "Instructions for tracheotomy with a ball-point pen" across his throat or "Instructions for Heimlich maneuver" on her back (with a matching "squeeze me here" target over the navel... or not). Tropical vacationers can get a temporary "In case of sting ray puncture, pee here" sign on each leg.

Bloody brilliant, sir.

Cliener von Cleanskin

Anyone else in favour of The Medical Illustrated Man?

Russer Butter

(Clap, clap, clap) Well done Kev.

Though I must say that if I would ever get such a tattoo, it would be to give the EMT a chuckle as they tried to recesitate me.

Bananaglyph

I'm worried that if I got the tattoo it would get infected, setting in action a self-referential chain of events.

Maybe you could make a 'Temporary Tattoo' and sell it from the Bearskin Rug shop. That way, we could buy 'em and just apply 'em if we went off to do something strenuous...


bearskinrug

Glindon - Then you should also leave your car unlocked all the time. And get a tattoo of a map to your car. Oh, and always be the exact same direction and number of left and right turns from where you park your car.

Bryan - I could be a latter-day Hippocrates!

Russer - Well, you wouldn't have to get this tattoo for that. You should get this one.

Bananglyph - Haha... that would be awesome if I could make temporary tattoos. Or... actually... I might be able to... hmmmmmmm....

Gentle Jones

Kev: A salt and battery!

I'll get my coat.

bearskinrug

Hahah - NICE :D

The Colonel

Kev, I am here only to echo what Bananaglyph said.

Make it so! Temporary tattoos for all!

transposition

As a doctor (a cardiologist, no less!), I can attest to the quality of the instruction on the tattoo design. This follows the latest guidelines for lay rescuers.

I would note that the recommendations change over time, and some researchers are looking at CPR with no rescue breaths whatsoever.

If you live long enough for the guidelines to change, hmm...

Russer Butter

I did see a girl one time with dotted lines and scissors tattooed on her wrists. I guess that's the danger of hanging out in the wrong types of clubs.

Personally I think a small tasteful X on my chest with a side note and arrow pointing to it reading "Insert cardiac needle here." Or two marks indicating where to place the defib paddles.

Phyllis

Priceless! What I love about the illustration is how distracted everyone is by the instructions: the guy is clearly dying while they discuss the tattoo. I really thought the guy had a comic strip on his forearm ... like Calvin and Hobbes ... and everyone was chatting over his lifeless form like he was the Sunday paper or something.
"Wish he wouldn't twitch like that - makes it hard to do the crossword ..."

BigA

Sounds to me like a BSR Tat Gallery is called for. I wanna se 'em!

opspraak

Now here's a tattoo that I can get inked in. Stylish, useful and educational.

bearskinrug

You'd take the lead in the "Cornellian Tattoos" race, Opspraak ;)

jeremy

I totally get that this is good because it's practical and could be lifesaving. But it's only going to get used once (maybe twice on heavy smokers?) and if I'm going under the needle, I want something that gives me more for my pain.
How about a tattoo upside down on my belly that says, "If you see me and not your feet, go for a run and quit eating fried eggs on your hamburgers."

Or one that wraps around my ear and points behind it that says, "wash here."

Or a mirror image one printed right across my chest that says, "1. Brush Teeth. 2. Deodorant. 3. Comb Hair. 4. Put on shirt."

Or a sweet circle of words around my belly button that says, "do not insert finger."

I could go on for hours thinking about this, but the tattoo on my hand says, "don't forget to work." Damn tattoo.

Aaron

Ha ha brilliant, I'll have to put that up on the wall at work alongside the boring generic health and safety signs.

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