Thursday, December 13, 2007

Army vs. Army

Army vs. Army

The Miracle Of Giving Out Of Fear

When it comes to getting people to contribute to a charity, I think I'd still actually prefer the above method to a phone solicitation. Some of those bullets could pierce my skull, sure — but at least none of them will follow me to my home, and give my address and phone number to other bullets. I won't receive a phone call from the National Bullet Fundraising Drive, and then the Regional Bullet Fundraising Drive, then the State Bullet Fundraising Drive, until it gets down to the Local Bullet Fundraising Drive — the bullets that actually put their life on the line for me — and I have no patience and no money left to support them.

Anyway, it's much more pleasant giving money away when it's in person. I like the game of trying to get my change in that little hole on top of the Salvation Army charity bucket, and while a bell might not be the most complex of instruments, a concert is a concert.

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What's that on top of the private's helmet? (privates, tee hee)


That appears to be a festive puffball, much like any Santa hat would have :D


good to see someone else is up at 4AM drawing too...

Whenever I give to the salvation army, they always kinda seem ungrateful. Given, that they've been standing out in the cold for a lot longer than I have, but when I give them some change, they always have a, "That's right, I THOUGHT SO," attitude about it.

At least I would EXPECT that from the real army.


The wee hours of 4 and even 3 o'clock are when I do a LOT of work. Mind you, I don't stay up 'til then... I wake up then, and start drawing.


Army? Salvation Army? At least you have some variation in people asking you for money. All I ever seem to get is some rather skinny guy trying to sell me a new mobile. Or someone from Unicef...

Oh, and get some sleep, will you, Kevin?


I always wanted to start a children's fund. A fund that would help fund the child within me! I would call it a glorious name, so everyone might think it to be legitimate. hey, hasn't Mojo started a fund yet? "The Mojo fund for lost socks"?


Squawk - I did get some sleep! Kim and I fall asleep around 9 o'clock. We're about 300 years old.

Opspraak - Well, he was collecting for the Salvation Army last Christmas. But since then he's been collecting for the Mojo The Sock Monkey Legal Fund.

blipple bloop blop

I went to bed about 8pm and got up at 4am, too. But I am only 35. :( help!

Mike Fool

It used to be fun to stay up late. You keep having the same conversation in your head, if I go to bed now I can get 3 solid hours before I have to get up. As I've gotten older (28), the conversation has gone the other way - If I go to bed now, I can get 13 solid hours before I have to get up.

I would also imagine all that gunfire keeping you up at night as well.

Russer Butter

Yes I prefer the slotted top container that at least requires some skill to get the money into. The open container that you throw your money into and run for the fear of getting hit by one of those bullets blindly fired into the air, which must eventually come back down, just doesn't seem to embody the holiday spirit.

Mountain Gnome

Now that is one sour looking Salvation Army collector! Usually the ones I have seen have been really old men dressed up in some sort of pseudo army uniform, shaking a tin (with a small slot).
If I was presented with the two army folk here, I would probably give to the sour looking one, but only because I expect that any money given to the bullet firing collector would be spent on more bullets!

Mike Fool

Throwing a dollar bill can be quite the demoralizing experience, watching it just flap about and fall from your hand as if no force was involved.

Seeing Army's bucket overflowing, what happens if you throw your dollar bill from a safe distance and it comes up short? Do you just keep moving or stop to collect your misfire and make another attempt?

For my on safety I would just start running, let him pick it up.


My first job was as a Salvation Army bellringer (yes, it does pay, minimum wage). It was the hardest job I've ever had... standing in the cold in one spot for 8 hours ringing a bell, with a 30-minute lunchbreak. But it did serve as a springboard to my next job... bagboy at the grocery store where I did the bellringing.

The Colonel

I've seen that collector before... only he wasn't outside a store, but inside my local bank. Seemed to be doing a great job.

I just can't figure out why everyone was crying.

Also, how to I break me off a piece of that falling asleep at 9am magic?

I've a flight to catch at 7am tomorrow.


Now this piece works on so many levels! Great art.

I always prefer the "it's that time of year so they are out collecting" charities to the cold call during dinner charities. However, if I hear about opportunities to sponsor another high school football team that I've never head of, I swear...

Oh, nothing. Doctor, I'm fine. Really.


Now there's a fund I'd gladly give my money to! The Mojo The Sock Monkey Legal Fund! Top class prime idea!


Here in Vancouver, the Salvation Army folk are not allowed to ring their bells indoors. Seriously. Bell-ringing by the Salvation Army is banned. But then I suppose in the Canadian version of this cartoon, the fellow next to him would be a mountie, whose image is owned by Disney, so his pot would be for collecting licensing royalties. That's not even getting started on the guns. Let's just say it's a good thing you're in America, or this cartoon would have been far more convoluted.

You know, sort of like this comment.


Blipple Bloop Blop - Haha - I'm only 30 ;)

Russer - Well put, Santa Butter.

Mountain Gnome - You're probably right. Though chances are he could need it for a legal fund as well.

Mike - Well, he probably wouldn't pick it up. That's what the reserves are for.

Alan - A truely inspirational story. Did you ever make it to the deli counter? Those guys seem to have it made.

Colonel - Well, first thing you need to do is move. There's no way you'll be able to fall asleep at 9am living in that elementary school gymnasium.

Scott - That reminds me... can you pledge five dollars to the Pluralsburg Bears? Or how about the Colbyberg Eagles? Opalstown Lady Doves?

Bambi-Really - Hahah - you've amused me :)


never made it to the deli counter... I quickly became disillusioned with the grocery industry and diverted to clothing retail.


i thought you were commenting on the irony of the military receiving more money than charities (i.e. american military's spending on the iraq war).

anyways, i love your illustrations. especially the ones on

diane zerr

I remember seeing one of those Salvation Army bell ringers outside of my local mall switching shifts with another bell ringer and he opened up the kettle grabbed a handful of dollars, and said "I'm going to get a slice of pizza." I'll never give to the bell ringers again.


Whoa... that IS pretty screwed up...


Saturday night I was flipping through channels and landed on SNL at around 10:35, which put me just in time to see a re-run of a skit where Justin Timberlake was dressed in a "Cup O' Soup" and competing for money with the Salvation Army wanna-be, anyways it reminded me of your entry....


at the Salvation Army where I worked we never took the money... actually the kettle was locked if I recall.


Well, I just found this site, and I am sure that I am addicted. These are so funny, and often times have grains of truth that are reflected in them. But mostly they make you want to snort with uncontrollable giggles.


You are a genius!


What a dilemma! Do you give to the poor sot looking miserable, or do you obey your survival instincts and humor the man with a gun?

BTW, I imagine your Holiday Ernie Handling Tip goes over real well with your local fire department ... Keeps the season bright, though, doesn't it? ;-)

S. A. Guy

Being a Salvation Army guy, I can promise you that most kettles are kept locked, even if it's by one of those plastic thingies that shows you it's been tampered with. People who are suspected of stealing from the Army aren't invited back again.

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