Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Flawed Heist

The Flawed Heist

Always Safety First

I never worked as a bank teller, but it always struck me as a classy job. In the hierarchy of jobs that require you to stand behind a counter, I opted for the lowest level, and joined the food service industry, a decision I kind of regret when I think of all the classiness I lost by not being a bank teller.

Of course, working at the mall Chik-fil-A, I was probably at less risk of being shot. So I essentially traded dignity for security. Like when you wear a helmet on a bike. Or when you cross a canyon by using a bridge, instead of trying to jump it on a motorcycle.

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At least they'll have enough change to wash their thievin' clothes and perhaps buy a soda or get a car wash. All very important things for the next heist.


I have YET to successfully pull off a job without soda.


It always seems that girls always work as bank tellers, and whenever I do see a guy standing their, I'm wondering:

Did Susie call in sick today, or is this guy gay?


I like how teller-lady is glancing at teller-dude, silently goading him with her eyes, saying something like, "come on, Jim -last night you claimed to be such a BIG man. Where's the confidence now, huh? Show me now what kind of BIG man you are!"

And you just know he's crappin' his pants. Dude's never gettin' into teller-lady's pants. Pitty.


The real question is Mojo hiding under the counter pressing the emergency button or out buying tacos for lunch?

The Colonel

I may be old fashioned, but give me a sack fulla coins over a sack fulla dollars any day.

At least with the coins, you can club unsuspecting passersby as you beat a hasty retreat.


I was a bank teller AND a food service worker -- the heterosexual kind. I don't know what was worse... people angry over their food or people angry over their money. Either way the jobs sucked. I never got heisted, but I did get counterfeited a couple times. Sneaky buggers...

Design Monkey

Like Steve, I too was a heterosexual bank teller and a food service worker. The bank teller thing put me through university, but resulted in me being heisted three times (once at gunpoint), filling out endless police reports, catching a counterfeiter and having to testify in court. Needless to say, at the studio where I work, I'm known as the designer with the sordid past.


I would wear sunglasses over my mask.


Shane - I was just surprised to find that every bank employs a "Susie".

Testmonkey - Haha - it DOES look like she's goading him...

Monkeyinabox - No question there — Mojo would be in the safe deposit vault, guarding his banana stash.

Colonel - True, true... nothing packs a wallop like those old buffalo-head nickels... remember them?

Steve - Wow - what's counterfeit money like? How'd you catch it?

Design Monkey - MAN! Where were you a bank teller? I'm pulling any money I have in there right away....

Mork - But the pantyhose would be covering your ears... you need to wear the sunglasses under the mask...


About the socks and the sunglasses: Did you ever consider full-body-condoms with build in sunglasses. They sell them at every local drugstore...
On the other hand the venetian masks look a lot better as I had to find out a couple of nights ago when a friend of mine raided a gas station in his underwear and that particular venetian mask.

Paul Annett

"Your tacos or your life!"


Oh, bytheway, the recent article section on this page looks a little odd in the safari 3 beta... (very thin)


you forgot to mention that to work in a classy job... you have to actually be classy.


Terry Tolleson

seems like he brought the right bag to me. it just makes good cents.


now they can park at a meter foreverrrrrrr!


Paul - Are you implying tacos are cheap!? ;)

Squawk - Hmmm - thanks Squawk - I'll see what I can do :D

Martha - Hey... I'm classy. When I burp, it's NEVER in in alphabet form.

Terry - Hahaha - Oh man... that's just plain punny :D

Sutter - Wow... just like this guy...


You're funny!


Thanks Sprout :D


I think it is one of the first questions they ask in the interview,

Or at least until they meet their quota...


I agree with The Colonel. Money is COINS. Imagine pirates traversing the Spanish Main with chests full of greenbacks - doesn't work does it? Or worse, chests full of credit cards...

Bring back the doubloon I say!


I'm really sorry I have to do this and I apologize, but

you know why he turned to a life of crime? Because the boy just didn't have any cents.



Oh wow - Terry went there before me. Wow that makes it even worse....


Anaglyph - Well, if we're going to let pirates be the deciding factor, we should make parrots legitimate currency. Or false limbs...

BigA - That's the good thing about puns though - whether you hear the first, second, or third time, it still elicits the same groan!


Pirates ARE the deciding factor. Aren't they?

diane witman

I would like to think that Mojo is driving the getaway van. In heists there must always be a monkey involved and a getaway van.

kevin nocoins

this was great... i usually think your little sketches are garbage... but this impressed me... finally. hahaha



I mean... "hooray!" :D

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