The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
"Design, Art, and Lackluster Humor."
Thursday, August 31, 2006
7:05 PM — While sitting in the kitchen attempting to sit quietly still, idea of keeping a journal for following day occurs to resident author.
7:34 PM — Consultant volunteers to scan and provide "genius" contribution to article.
7:34 PM — Consultant banned from further contributions. Scanner cleaned and deodorized diligently.
Friday, September 1, 2006
6:34 AM — Author publishes article after usual friday morning ritual of setting the week's trash out front of the house, drinking coffee, and eliminating his waste.
8:12 AM — Having spent a good deal of the morning listening to Armonica compositions, the Author decides to document this fantastic new bit of audio ephemera:
8:45 AM — Author visits Post Office, to send a package. Once there, Postal Employee informs Author he can't send his package in plastic, waterproof envelope; it must be in a paper one. Author goes back home.
9:15 AM — Author returns to Post Office with repackaged parcel, in paper envelope. Postal Employee informs Author that the new paper envelope is invalid because Author has used packaging tape over the addresses.
Author enters revenge fantasy, in which Postal Employee is sealed in plastic envelope and sent Priority Mail to the bottom of the sea.
10:17 AM — During a casual conversation about this very article, Stan slips up and reveals his own plans for Friday
10:24 AM — Consultant was dispatched to guard the entrance/exit points of the house.
12:13 PM — After an excruciating amount of frame-by-frame drawing in Flash, the Author decides to make himself an above-par sandwich for lunch. He uses Cashew Butter, a more gentlemanly spread than the course and common Peanut Butter. Reflecting the more formal tone of the meal, the Author washes his hands.
12:27 PM — Author realizes he used the last of the bread for lunch, and almost all the Aluminum Foil for breakfast. The thought occurs to him that it would be nice to go out and purchase the items, so that his wife will be able to use them later. The thought passes.
1:48 PM — Concerned he might not have a Thrilling Adventure at all today, the Author bakes a birthday cake with the intention to wish for one:
2:34 PM — Author notices an unusual odor throughout the house. After brief investigation, he determines it is himself, and heads for the shower.
3:12 PM — The afternoon grinds on without interruption, this particular Friday being no different than previous Fridays. And while the Author does relish his solitude, he can't help but think it would have been nice to have had a visitor come today, to shake things up. He takes a moment to imagine who would be an interesting surprise visitor...
4:15 PM — And thus...
5:10 PM — Author is jarred from his fantasy armonica playing as he hears garage door open. He quickly runs to the kitchen, to try and clean up as much as possible before his wife comes upstairs.
5:30 PM — Judge Judy comes on. Author prepares to boost his self-esteem by watching the common-sense impaired.
9:31 PM — Author ends another Friday, satisfied that he's earned his weekend.
Comments on this Article
There are currently 21 comments.
4. Terry Tolleson
You... you watch Judge Judy? And a cartoon version?
Dusting for prints made me laugh out loud. A lot. Crime scene references kill me! And all the other little calendar events are hysterical.
5. bearskinrug
The Colonel - Oh, he's not really practicing. I think he just found the closest church to our house and joined that faith.
Terry - Oh yeah - the Judge Judy cartoon is great. Judy and a team of teenage gymnasts help extricate inexperienced single-mothers from shaky financial contracts.
6. BigA
Quick question here, but why are you importing tumbled rocks from Poland when we're lousy with AMERICAN tumbled rocks who can't get a job for love nor money?
7. bearskinrug
Oh... Oh my! You're right! My apologies Carolina Snowflake Obsidian... Appalachian Green Aventurine... you too, New Mexican Blue Lace Agate.
8. Jason
Ok, the only thing I have trouble with is the typo before "thrilling adventure"...
9. bearskinrug
Haha - well, that's because it used to be an AMAZING adventure...
Fixed! Thanks!
10. tyler
Man, I just got up and you've already done a lot of nothing with your day. Jealous.
13. randallard
Is Stan's day so much more exciting? All I ever see him do is sing Metallica(?) with Z
14. bearskinrug
Tyler - Yup... I'm WAY ahead on my diddly-squat as well.
Dibyo - Yeah... Roger's Uncle seems to be suffering from gangrene on the left butt cheek.
Jason - You FOOL! *ducks blast*
Randallard - Hey, I hear ya. And he's gotta pay such high royalty fees ever time he sings — you'd think he'd stop!
15. anaglyph
I like how you made one lobster and two fish very happy.
This is an hilariously funny account. Oh that my day had been so amusing...
16. Zaihan K.
I have to say, that's a pretty tiny Postal Employee in that envelope. Did you run him/her through the industrial-strength shredder prior? That would definitely explain the ecstatic marine life... ;p
17. bearskinrug
18. Terry Tolleson
In an effort to avoid doing actual work, I am posting a comment here.
I love the iChat icons.
I guess Mojo didn't know booze actually makes you sleepy... cuz... we know that ain't coffee.
19. bearskinrug
I'm not sure there's anything in the thermos... I think it's that leaning chair. We all know that a leaning chair is the most comfortable chair position.
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1. Chris
Mojo seems to have a very restrained MySpace page. Surely there's something wrong there?