Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday's Journal

Friday's Journal

Thursday, August 31, 2006

7:05 PM — While sitting in the kitchen attempting to sit quietly still, idea of keeping a journal for following day occurs to resident author.

7:34 PMConsultant volunteers to scan and provide "genius" contribution to article.

Consultant Contributed Scan

7:34 PM — Consultant banned from further contributions. Scanner cleaned and deodorized diligently.

Friday, September 1, 2006

6:34 AM — Author publishes article after usual friday morning ritual of setting the week's trash out front of the house, drinking coffee, and eliminating his waste.

8:12 AM — Having spent a good deal of the morning listening to Armonica compositions, the Author decides to document this fantastic new bit of audio ephemera:

The Ecstasy of the Armonica

8:45 AM — Author visits Post Office, to send a package. Once there, Postal Employee informs Author he can't send his package in plastic, waterproof envelope; it must be in a paper one. Author goes back home.

9:15 AM — Author returns to Post Office with repackaged parcel, in paper envelope. Postal Employee informs Author that the new paper envelope is invalid because Author has used packaging tape over the addresses.

Author enters revenge fantasy, in which Postal Employee is sealed in plastic envelope and sent Priority Mail to the bottom of the sea.

Under the Sea! Under the Sea!

10:17 AM — During a casual conversation about this very article, Stan slips up and reveals his own plans for Friday

Stan Incriminates Himself.

10:24 AM — Consultant was dispatched to guard the entrance/exit points of the house.

Consultant / Watchman

12:13 PM — After an excruciating amount of frame-by-frame drawing in Flash, the Author decides to make himself an above-par sandwich for lunch. He uses Cashew Butter, a more gentlemanly spread than the course and common Peanut Butter. Reflecting the more formal tone of the meal, the Author washes his hands.

12:27 PM — Author realizes he used the last of the bread for lunch, and almost all the Aluminum Foil for breakfast. The thought occurs to him that it would be nice to go out and purchase the items, so that his wife will be able to use them later. The thought passes.

1:48 PM — Concerned he might not have a Thrilling Adventure at all today, the Author bakes a birthday cake with the intention to wish for one:

Burn Pain Wishes and Caveat Dreams

2:34 PM — Author notices an unusual odor throughout the house. After brief investigation, he determines it is himself, and heads for the shower.

3:12 PM — The afternoon grinds on without interruption, this particular Friday being no different than previous Fridays. And while the Author does relish his solitude, he can't help but think it would have been nice to have had a visitor come today, to shake things up. He takes a moment to imagine who would be an interesting surprise visitor...

Christ arrives with an interesting conversation starter.

4:15 PM — And thus...

The Miracle of the Armonica

5:10 PM — Author is jarred from his fantasy armonica playing as he hears garage door open. He quickly runs to the kitchen, to try and clean up as much as possible before his wife comes upstairs.

5:30 PMJudge Judy comes on. Author prepares to boost his self-esteem by watching the common-sense impaired.

9:31 PM — Author ends another Friday, satisfied that he's earned his weekend.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 21 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]


Mojo seems to have a very restrained MySpace page. Surely there's something wrong there?


Well... he IS lazy...

The Colonel

Huh... I would've never pegged Mojo for a protestant.

Terry Tolleson

You... you watch Judge Judy? And a cartoon version?

Dusting for prints made me laugh out loud. A lot. Crime scene references kill me! And all the other little calendar events are hysterical.


The Colonel - Oh, he's not really practicing. I think he just found the closest church to our house and joined that faith.

Terry - Oh yeah - the Judge Judy cartoon is great. Judy and a team of teenage gymnasts help extricate inexperienced single-mothers from shaky financial contracts.


Quick question here, but why are you importing tumbled rocks from Poland when we're lousy with AMERICAN tumbled rocks who can't get a job for love nor money?


Oh... Oh my! You're right! My apologies Carolina Snowflake Obsidian... Appalachian Green Aventurine... you too, New Mexican Blue Lace Agate.


Ok, the only thing I have trouble with is the typo before "thrilling adventure"...


Haha - well, that's because it used to be an AMAZING adventure...

Fixed! Thanks!


Man, I just got up and you've already done a lot of nothing with your day. Jealous.


That Roger and his uncle look really wicked

Jason Santa Maria

Quick Mojo, put out the fire with your shotgun!


Is Stan's day so much more exciting? All I ever see him do is sing Metallica(?) with Z


Tyler - Yup... I'm WAY ahead on my diddly-squat as well.

Dibyo - Yeah... Roger's Uncle seems to be suffering from gangrene on the left butt cheek.

Jason - You FOOL! *ducks blast*

Randallard - Hey, I hear ya. And he's gotta pay such high royalty fees ever time he sings — you'd think he'd stop!


I like how you made one lobster and two fish very happy.

This is an hilariously funny account. Oh that my day had been so amusing...

Zaihan K.

I have to say, that's a pretty tiny Postal Employee in that envelope. Did you run him/her through the industrial-strength shredder prior? That would definitely explain the ecstatic marine life... ;p


Anaglyph - Well... the key is detach from reality. That's pretty much how you survive a prison rogering as well.

Zaihan K. - No shredding, really. It's just that mutant Disney sea-life are breed large, so that they have human-size vocal chords.

Terry Tolleson

In an effort to avoid doing actual work, I am posting a comment here.

I love the iChat icons.

I guess Mojo didn't know booze actually makes you sleepy... cuz... we know that ain't coffee.


I'm not sure there's anything in the thermos... I think it's that leaning chair. We all know that a leaning chair is the most comfortable chair position.

DD wishmore

I could only wish my days were as interesting...


The key is lying to yourself!

[ Back to Top ]

Recent Articles

[ Visit Article Archives ]

Who Carols Mojo and the Leaves MUSTACHE! The Symbol For Jerk Interpreting Excelsior Dead Love The Big Sandwich Mojo The Bounty Hunter Sketchbook 22 Live! Six-Penny Anthems II