Wednesday, August 16, 2006



A Revolution... in Relief

Ted is 55 minutes late for a board-meeting; but he's not too concerned. In fact, Ted might never wear his worries again — from now on, he's only wearing his Acupuncshirt™.

Acupuncshirt utilizes Acupuncture's ancient techniques for curing thousands of ailments, including understimulated posterio-inferior ankle inflammation! Hundreds of interwoven needles target blocked organ and midline meridians so that your Qi can flow... and send stress downstream.

Consumers can't stop talking about Acupuncshirt:

This shirt has turned my long commute home into a numb, hazy dream.
In the Acupuncshirt, the last thing I think about is my hemophilia...
If you have problems, you MUST have an Acupuncshirt!

Don't care more than you need to! Hang all your worries out to dry and get yourself an Acupuncshirt — because it's time you starting worrying about your relief.

From the makers of Moxibustier™ — Because you need support; your stress doesn't.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 24 comments.

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So wrong! And what happened to his left eyeball?


Clearly he is wearing more than only his Acupuncshirt™. At least, I think those are pants.


and a tie!


Why do I think of this ad being on the back of a church bulletin?


I can't wait until they make Acupuncshirt™ underwear!


Yeah, that in a thong would be bitchin'

Shaun Inman

It's a modern-day horsehair shirt. All the numbing discomfort, none of the itch! I bet the Pope would endorse this.


I love the expression on his face.


It doesn't just makes his Qi somehow paralized his face. (hey...did Sylverster Stallone ever wear a Acupuncshirt™?)


It's every self-flagellant's dream, a pseudo-self-flagellating shirt! "Feel the pain of your sins while you work!" I can see Opus Dei members grimacing with glee.

Terry Tolleson

3-manual pipe organs are still in use?!


I'd love to hang around quietly behind you while you work on something like this. I like.


The perfect gift for the masochistic friend.

The Colonel

Those are raspberry jam stains of relief on his shirt, right?

the Brightside

Because nothing kills a good joke like some pedantic commenter armed with trivia:

The reason for Sylvester Stallone's leftside facial paralysis is actually a forceps accident by the obstetrician attending his birth. The forceps gripped the skull too tightly and crushed part of the left side of Stallone's soft, infant skull, crippling the nerves of the facia.

Now returning to your regularly-scheduled thread...

Captain Purple

Our dogs make a face similar to that when scratched in the right spot.

Is the Acupuncshirt™ dry clean only?


Wouldn't it have to be? I think rusty needles would remove some of the Acupuncshirt's™ thereputic qualities. The rust stains wouldn't be fun either, though I'd imagine if one were to sport the garment all day long, spots of rust probably wouldn't be the first mess to worry about. Not that they would worry, having worn the Acupuncshirt™. But wait, wouldn't dry cleaning rust the needles too?


TheJones - Well, you could be right. Churches today ARE getting more lenient. I hear the vatican approved same-sex suicide pacts.

Shaun - Well, you could be right. Churches today ARE getting more lenient. I hear the vatican approved... oh, uh... well... I suppose you've heard it too by this point.

Owen - Well... a self-flagellant would be pretty disappointed with this shirt. It's totally about feeling gooooooood....

Although, you could wear it backwards, like an art smock. Then none of the needles line up with meridians, and it's just painful. That'll add some zing to those kindergarten finger-paintings!

Terry - You know it! Looks like you're coming out of retirement?

Brightside - Good to know! Now... how come that Webster was so short?

Captain Purple / Rachel - Well... the needles are machine-wash, but the rest of the shirt is dry clean. It's a moot point because once you put this shirt on — you'll never be able to take it off!


Haha, judging by the amount of blood on his wrist, that's accupunctshirt slitwristr. (Way too much web reading lately).
Nice and sick, the way I like it.


Does it come in Red?


If you wear it long enough — Sure!


I just love twisted people. Keep up the good work!


his Qi is flowing right to his left thumb... which is planted squarely up his ass and causing his left eye to twitch with deeeelight.



The LEFT thumb has the Qi!

What's all that junk in my right thumb then? That sticky stuff?

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