Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Damned Tyrannobear

The Damned Tyrannobear

Bewara Chimeras

Last article, the observation was made that the bear threatening the heros of Ambidextrous did in fact have Tyrannosaurus Rex arms. While the idea sounds terrifying, it occurred to me that combining two such lethal creatures would have immense drawbacks. Indeed, as you can see, this bear can no longer enjoy his favorite cola, lacking the arm strength to open a 2-liter bottle. Let this stand as a warning to not explore any further fantasies of genetic engineering, Jason.

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I had the same problem until I got my arms replaced with bat wings. Now I can hang from the ceiling and fly at night.

s. zeilenga

um... yeah. Thankfully evolution turned the dinos into birds instead of soda-drinking bears. We might all be in trouble. As it is, birds don't really like soda so bird baths suffice...


As terrifying as this creature is, I'm sure he'd be my friend because I can open bottles of soda. Unless his frustration led to a jealous throat-slashing rampage.


Oscar - That's not a bad idea... it's too hot to fly during the daytime. *Kevin curses himself out for getting duck wings*

S. Zeilenga - Well, honestly, I've never put soda in a bird bath... so who's to say they DON'T like a little pop while they bathe?

Ian - You have many endearing qualities other than your soda opening ability that could ignite a crime of passion. Your collection of classic car... magazines, for one. Or your solid gold throne... poetry.

The Colonel

He certainly is a surly chap.
No self-love AND no soda?
Suppose I'd be surly too.


If it wasn't for the soda bottle, I could take him.

s. zeilenga

speaking of T-rex, you got any good dino illustrations in those sketchbooks of yours? I would love to see a Cornell interpretation of a good fierce dragon-rex


I love this drawing! I really like the subtle tone behind the pencil marks.

Russer Butters

Well, I must say after watching you create Tryannobear and yelling about scientific fact and all, it looks great on the site. If I had t-rex arms though they would be dexterous like they were in the cretaceous period and allow me to open soda bottles. After that point in time things just went all to hell. Like losing long division for several million years.


Is that regular cola? or diet? I'd recommend a diet, looking at his size


You, sir, have far too much time on your hands...
Lovely drawing, though one wonders why bother unscrewing the cap when you can just bite through it? (An image i saw years ago of a bear 'popping the lid' on a hunter in Reader's Digest comes to mind... as well as the elephant trampling the crocodile.. )

Terry Tolleson

s. zeilenga - what about working with a tacosaurus? Which you can see a cameo of in this little ditty.

But, ya — I would love to see a little prehistoric action involving a primitive Mojo and a fierce Compsognathus.


Colonel - Well, he's probably evolved a slight caffeine addiction as well, and now he's going through withdrawal...

S. Zeilenga - Haha - it's funny you mention that. I actually have never really drawn dinosaurs, and I didn't have very much in the way of dinosaur reference... so it took me a while to think "how do tyrannosaurus arms work"?

Kim - Awww... well you have to say that, or I hock your jewelry.

Jason - You know, it's your inquisitive nature that leads to this travesty. Your questions will kill us all!

Terry - Haha - that's a blast from the past! Hmmm... It appears it's my turn to respond...


I thought that the tyrannobear coudn't get the bottle to it's mouth. Sort of like it's own version of hell. Just, instead of not being able to bow down and drink the water that is right near his lips, he is forced to strain his arms near to breaking just to get a swallow of that fizzy sweet stuff. Which he never can get. Imagine it. You're out in the fields and after a delicious snack of human flesh you need to wash down the fatty residue with a swift swig of caffeinated cola. Only to be shotdown because of a damned flaw via evolution.

Poor Tyrannobear.

And if I was denied caffeine... there would be some truly angsty cries to be heard.


Tyrannobear t-shirt!


That would make a fantastic band name:

"Tyrannobear" !!!


He may be Ursidae in foot and face,
but the mitts, me thinks, are a tad bit dinky.
The lack of skill and fingered grace,
is only from those Rex like pinkies.

Alas, that angry, puzzled, gaze of his
will certainly never, ever stop.
He'll have no fun and frothy fizz
in trying to open his beloved pop.


Katie - That's a pretty good angle... if only the arms were shorter! Yaaaaaarr! ;)

Kim - That will always be the dream... *sigh*

Greggie - Hey... it actually would... I'll suggest it to the Reverend at the next choir practice!

Aaron - Thought you were back here, aye?


Yeah, hock her jewelery. Buy some roller skates or something....something manly. Show her who's boss.

Also, we have those bears in Australia. I'm not sure how they cope with opening cola. But boy, can they tear open a skull!


Further Information about Drop Bears.

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