Tuesday, March 14, 2006



There's Something Horrible In The Closet!

I don't remember being afraid of the closet when I was a kid. Or even under the bed. I'm sure I was afraid of my room in some capacity, other than cleaning it. No... my real fear was always windows. I was terrified to look out of a window past dark, afraid that when I'd pull back the curtains there would be a monster just outside of the window — one that invariably resembled a particular muppet. I can even remember one time when I attempted to scare myself by throwing open the curtains and pressing my face against the window, sure that when I opened my eyes there would be a yellowy pair staring right back.

So... consider this a therapy session. Tell me about your monsters...

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I was more afraid of Big Bird! :D


Well checking out that muppet link and finding Uncle Milty standing next to Sweetums was more than a little disconcerting so I guess I've got Berlephobia now. My only real fear since childhood is finding myself floating in the middle of the ocean at night. Creepsville!!

Thomas M.

(Lays down on the couch)
Well, doc, in no particular order:
Dark baskements
Any comprehensive final exam
(starts sweating and shaking) ... Heh, sorry, thought I'd worked through most of these ... but remembering about those exams in college still gives me the shivers.


I lived with Jeff, he's a real monster!... and his buddy Cyclops.


Not exactly the same, but... when I was in high school, I got really sick with a fever of over 104. I hallucinated that there were 2 ronald mc donalds in my room- a non- threatening one in red & orange in the corner- statue like, and an evil, blue and purple one on my ceiling walking around.


to pick up the baton from rachael, i have always been terrified of clowns. and not just intentionally scary clowns like pennywise, but any and all clowns. for the record, all ronald mcdonalds are evil. oh, and i was always afraid that a ventriloquist's dummy was going to sneak up and kill me in my bed.


Oh, yes... Childhood. My dad once convinced me that all trees were out to get me, and that if I went outside, I'd no doubt be grabbed up, and had some horrible... TREE THING done to me.

When I went to bed that night he stood outside my door with a branch, and just when I was about to go to sleep, he shook the branch in my doorway, while whispering "treeeeeees!".

It scared the dickens out of me, and I didn't go outside for a week.


I have a highly irrational fear of dolls.


I was doing just fine until one night, my evil brother hid in the closet and scared the dessert outta me. Since then, I can only sleep with windows and doors closed.

It's was phase though. Be it a 30 year one.

Nikki Noodle

2nd grade: midget witches hiding behind shower curtains with bug eyes
now: that little legless dude from x-files who scoots on his scooter, also bug-eyed...


Thomas M. - Ah... I shared a basement phobia as well. Especially since our basement had so many places for a monster to hide.

MattLat - Hmmm. That seems like it would backfire, when later in life he wants you to help trim shrubbery.

Jared - That's perfectly rational, though.

SomeJeff - Wow - how much older was he?

Nikki - Oooh - yeah, a closed shower curtain in a bathroom IS a scary situation...

Terry Tolleson

My very real and constant phobia: spiders

When I was 9-yrs-old, one lept onto my face and pierced the soft flesh, just beneath my eye, with its horrid fangs. In a state of pain and terror, I grabbed the spawn of Satan and flung it away. Had it bitten me a scant centimeter higher, I would be blind in that eye. Since then, I have been chased, spied upon and tormented by the beasts. They prey on my every waking moment. Despite the definition of "phobia" — they truly are out for my soul.

All prior fears have been lost, like tears in rain.

Hugh G.

Cool post Kev!

Windows were always my fear as well. My curtains were thin and I could see through them (sort of). I was positive I could see an alien space ship parked in the backyard. That, or Mt. Baker was erupting and lava would burn up my house.

Terry, if that happened to me I would make it my lifes work to kill every spider I set eyes on. I hate those bastards!


My mother has a baby doll that opens and closes its eyes when you turn it. When she was a kid, her brother broke the head, and my grandfather glued it back together, with the eyes wide open. Eek.

My parents also had one of those cymbal banging wind up monkeys that looked like it was possessed.

And clowns. There should be a law.

I think a cymbal banging monkey clown with its eyes glued open would put me in the grave.

Nikki Noodle

speaking of monsters, comic artist dave devries re-paints little kids' creature drawings
read the interviews...


You'd think that... But later in life I learned to hate my leafed deciduous oppressors, and trimmed – nay, hacked apart shrubs every chance I got. Then I became a lumberjack and when that no longer appeased me, I started forest fires.

Since then I’ve cooled down… now I just throw away big stacks of paper and point and laugh at the tree outside my window.


I grew up with terrible, reoccuring nightmares of Sesame Street characters chasing me around a dim, yellowy lit, wood panel clad rec room. I remember one wall had a floor-to-ceiling mirror with a barre across the length of it, like in ballet class. It was Cookie Monster and Ernie. Analyze that.

Also, Teddy Ruxpin the animated doll. Insert tape, teddy bear talks and lazily rolls it's demonic eyes arround in it's head. My sister's would occasionally flick on without notice, inciting either gails of laughter (day) or shrieks of horror (night).


those damn Anna Lee dolls... They're just creepy... I used to have a fear of spiders, but we've come to a mutual understanding: I don't stomp them flat, and they stay out of the bathroom when I'm in it.

Oh... but that spider head from the Thing... *shudder*

Russer Butters

As everyone is so keen on talking bout spiders, I have to be the scientist and scare you all once again. Proven fact: at all times you are within three feet of a spider, but then again everytime you go swimming in the ocean you come within ten feet of a shark bigger than you. Me, I used to catch sharks with my hands while wadding in chest deep water, and I kept black widow spiders as pets, true story. Personally, I am afraid of my work. I get up and go to work. I get home, go to sleep and dream I'm at work, and the dreams are never good. Oh, and Kevin scares the bejesus out of me.

Captain Purple

Dang nabbit, Cornell. I told you about my "problem" in the strictist confidence and you go and make a cartoon about it!?! I guess I have to add 'telling cartoonists about my childhood tramas and then having it end up on some web site' to my Big List O' Fears & Phobias.


I've always been afraid of the sweaty monster behind Windows.


@BSR: That's funny that you assume that my evil brother is older.

(Yeah, 5 yrs older...)


Windows at night. I can't be in a room with un-curtained windows at night. It freaks me out. Especially if the couch for TV watching is in front of said window.

And open closets (Stephen Kings's "The Boogeyman").


I'll have to go with the dark basements one. We had this house where the basement was only partially finished, so it was like a forest of 2x4's, with some of the walls put up... You never knew what could be hiding behind one of them! And you could turn on all the lights you wanted, but that strange wall configuration made it impossible not to have at least a few dark corners.


My mother tells me that when I was a child, I was not allowed to watch Sesame Street because it gave me nightmares.


the unspoken relationship between big bird and snuffy would keep me awake at night.

"why were't they more open, like bert and ernie?," I'd ask myself.


Shadows on the ground at night.
Walking on one took every ounce of courage I could muster. My heart would race as I set foot into the blackness, fully expecting to plunge into a never-ending pit.

Charles G

I've always been afraid of my closet growing up, but not from monster's being inside of them. Monsters I could deal with, but Mary, the mother of Christ... I was deftly afraid that Mary would pay me a visit at night, or that some Saint would decide to grace me with their divine presence and I just couldn't fathom the terror an aparition like that would instill in me.

And for some reason I thought Mary and the patron saints would visit me from my closet, which was always cracked open slightly because it didn't fit in the track just right.

I was also afraid of windows and vampires, well more likely vampires flying in from the window in case I didn't lock it. I always covered my neck thoroughly before I went to sleep.


@Ian: I can relate. Shadows during the day just don't seem as scary as the one's at night. It's as if shadows at night have a 5th dimension; or dementia.


Terry - Oh man... I've never been "awake" for a spider bite (I've awoken with them); I'm sure that would reignite my fears of them. I'm much better at accepting the presence of spiders now that I have a house, and I'm sure there's much worse-looking buggies that the spiders are keeping at bay.

Raymond - It's funny how something that's supposed to be so comforting and enjoyable for one person, is absolutely heart-stopping for another.

Nikki - excellent link - I've stolen it and put it in my link section...

Rachel - When I was 3 and he was 5, My brother had a dream that Cookie Monster ate me. But the scary part wasn't the concept of Cookie Monster eating me, it was his complete certainty that it ACTUALLY happened... or WOULD happen.

Jason - Hehe - yeah; I think spiders can be convinced to stay out of certain areas.

Russer - Boo!

Joesplanet - Hehe - he is kinda spooky

Jennifer - I always cover windows at night because it's easier for people outside to see exactly what you're doing. So I hear that...

Ethan - Now, consequently, you can't spell in Spanish.

Ian - Wow - I never really thought of that... until now. Thanks, Ian (grumble, grumble)


Sweetums, eat froggy now!

Ian Adams

Mine was the basement. I remember once seeing the largest spider I'd ever seen, and being completely terrified of the basement after that, afriad that the spiders would come up and eat me.

I always made sure the door to the basement was closed...


Not sure about the UK, but over in the states our most common childhood terrorizer is the Boogie Man. Since I didn't have someone constantly reminding me that this monster was going to eat me, my own personal imagination took over. My Boogie Man was basically dressed like a 70's pimp, replete with feathered hat, cane and purple outfit. Totally non-threatening, but occasionally I would catch him hanging out behind my door at night.

Different Bird

When I was a kid, I was convinced that there were alligators under my bed. I think I got the oultandish idea from some book I had read, but it really scared me. So every morning I would stand in the middle of my bed and leap as far away from the edge as possible, so that the alligators could not eat me. The process in the evenings was quite similar, but rather I would run from the middle of my room and dive into bed, then surrounding the parameter with stuffed animal guardians.


Remember that scene in Salem's Lot where the vampire is scratching the window on the outside? That was pretty creepy. If someone already mentioned that I'm sorry, but you can't really expect me to read all these posts at once, can you? Isn't there any way you can make a condensed version? Is this too many questions for one post? I hope not?


Merritt! You've exceeded the Question Limit!

Officer Williams

Mr. Bearskinrug:
Please note you have exceeded the Question Limit. You will be required to pay an overage charge of:

Estimate. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$45.00
Please make checks payable to:
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.


You know what? Jimmy's bedwetting solved his monster -n-the-closet problem, but something tells me it might bring about an R. Kelly-in-the-closet problem. They say he likes urine and closets...


I've been working really hard on getting over my fear of dolls as I stated earlier. Things were going really well until I came across these. Back to square one.


Jeez, I'm sorry! How should I pay you back? Cash? Check? Oh crap, what am I doing?


@Jared: Those aren't scary dolls... now these, on the other hand...


When I was a kid, there were always reports in the papers of 'prowlers' (I dunno if that's a particularly Australian country-town term). But in my child's mind, a prowler was some kind of being that had a pillowcase over it's head, with two holes cut for eyes, and, quite inexplicably, the corners of the pillowcase tied in knots.

You could probably still freak me out by dressing up like that...


Whoa.... it's the corner-knots that make that image especially creepy.... that's worth drawing...


Oooooh, I was always very scared of Dracula! Probably because of a graphic novel I read when I was 7! And the shadows on the walls of my room - of the trees outside really worked up my fertile imagination!


Well, feel free to draw my prowlers. Just make sure you warn me in advance so I can cover my eyes when I read your post...


Seriously... it's as good as drawn. Look for it in the next couple of days...


Sleestacks. From the Land of the Lost. Scared the heck out of me. Even moreso when they kept appearing in a reocurring dream of mine.


Huh... see, they don't look too scary to me. But that's the thing. The scariest stuff wouldn't BE all the scary normally. It has to be the exact right situation and suddenly it's the SCARIEST thing in the world forever...


for some reason, watching "csi" and "coldcase" shows freak me out. just for the rest of the night though. not for any reason either, i'm just jumpy the rest of the night.

by the way, I'm 13


Yeah. I have the same problem with "E! True Hollywood Stories".

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