Monday, October 24, 2005

Bread Companion™

Bread Companion™

Don't let your bread spend another SECOND alone!

It feeds you... It sustains you... it fills your belly. Isn't it time you did something for your bread? Give your rye a guy or your wheat a treat with Bread Companion™! Studies prove that with regular companionship and interaction, plants grow better and healthier — why not bread? Bread Companion is specifically designed to maintain a friendly, open dialogue with your local loaf. Here's just a few things Bread Companion has to say:

"You're Fresh!"
"Hello, Bread!"
"Thank You!"

Pre-programmed with over two phrases, Bread Companion uses the latest advances in loudspeaker and intercom technology to provide the Bread Companion Institute's scientifically-determined frequency of banter; one phrase every minute. And with only 17 triple-H batteries, that's over 17 minutes of companionship guaranteed! So get yourself a Bread Companion today — because no loaf should be alone.

Bread Companion Companion, Companion for Bread Companion

Wait! There's MORE!

Happy, attention-rich bread goes fast. But when there's no more bread left, your Bread Companion might be a little too blue to not erupt in flames. Don't let loneliness destroy your house, home, and your prospects for future bread companionship — keep your Bread Companion happy with Bread Companion Companion, Companion for Bread Companion™! It's specifically designed to maintain a friendly, open dialogue with your Bread Companion. Listen in:

"You're Fresh, Also!"
"Hello, Bread Companion!"
"You're Welcome!"

So what's stopping you? Make your household a happy, supportive environment for your Bread Companion and get a Bread Companion Companion, Companion for Bread Companion today — your Bread Companion will thank you for it if you listen long enough!

Comments on this Article

There are currently 22 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]

John Nick

Why does this intensify my OWN feelings of loneliness. CURSE YOU KEVIN CORNELL!

Oh wait -- it's the Leonard Cohen that's doing that. Never mind.

I'll take 2 BC's and 4 BCC's. Bill to my regular account, please.


Okay - would you like to pre-order your Bread Companion Companion, Companion for Bread Companion totey?


you need a new marketing department. this thing should definitely have been called a "breadfellow."

Ara Pehlivanian

Been up late watching infomercials again have you? These products remind me of the "automatic battery changer" whose sole function was to change its own batteries!


So when will you have stock of this fine product? I went to your "store" and couldn't find it listed.
Another question, does it only work as a companion for bread, or can it be used as an escort/date for attending formal engagements?


I had one of these things. Threw itself screaming off the countertop after seeing its crusty companion sliced to pieces, stuffed with ham, and eaten alive. Condolences to BCC, C for BC.


Do you have something a bit smaller for the small loaves I usually get? I wouldn't want my bread getting intimidated now, would I?


thats all well and good for bread but what about me? whos going to tell me i'm fresh. who's going to say "hello bread" to me?


Is the Bread Companion friendly towards pita bread as well? It looks like it can only relate to the standard to the more popular sandwich-style loaf. Or would that require some sort of Pita Pal?

Also, have you considered a Travel Bread Companion?


Wayne - OH! That's a GOOD one...

Ara - Automatic Battery Changer? I could invent an Automatic Battery Changer Refiller and make BILLIONS....

Donna - You could take it to parties - but you should probably order the Bread Companion Bow-Tie.

Sutter - Hey - I spent $20,000 government dollars on the "Sutter Companion" prototype, and you had to take it in the bath with you. Live with it.

Jared - Oh GOD - Never put the Bread Companion next to pita bread!!! Are you CRAZY?

Biggest Apple

I've been waiting for a decent bread companion soultion, but I think I'll hold out just a little while longer until the release of the BC with pre-installed Airport Extreme. I hear rumours of a Video version as well.


You are officially my new favorite artist. That's right. My favorite. You just passed Van Gogh.


Biggest Apple - Those rumors are unconfirmed!

Nathanael - Wow! And who would have thought Bread Companion was a deal-breaker!? (thanks :) )

Biggest Apple

I'll have you know I only deal in confirmed rumours and verified hear-say.


Isn't a confirmed rumour simly one that somebody else has said as well?

In other words, its existence has been confirmed.


Hmmm... you do have a point, Jordan.... looks like you've been telling the truth about everything, Apple — I can't believe you captained the first moon mission!


I have an irrational fear of Bread Companion.

Just thought you should know.

Sassified Suzie Homemacher

I've been using Bread Companion and Bread Companion Companion now for 6 months and I just can't believe the difference. My loafs are so perky and cute sometimes I just have to pinch them to make sure they're real. Thanks a million Bread Companion and Bread Companion Companion.


When oh when will my patent for the Sodomizing NAMBLA Chief Sodomizer Companion make production? So many North American men can't find underage boys as easily thse days, and there are only so many reruns of Whiz Kids one can suffer through.


Does anyone, in any country, use bread boxes anymore?


Are there, do you know, compatibility issues with the Jug of Wine™ companion? Where I live out here in The Wilderness, I can't afford to take risks.


Actually - Bread Companion is known to increase the frequency of its comments when used in conjunction with Jug of Wine Companion....

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