Tuesday, October 04, 2005

All the Water in the World

All the Water in the World

A Two-Act Guide to Survival

Just to put everyone's mind at ease, drinking all the water in the world is physically impossible. I don't want this comic to scare anyone out of routine hydration — it's an extremely important aspect of survival. At best, the human body can only survive two days without H2O. Here's a simple play I wrote to help you remember:


Scene fades in on an opulent conservatory
Colonel Abenard: "I say, Madam Chambers, I'm feeling a bit parched!"
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "Heavens, Colonel! Do take care of yourself — I shan't know what to do if you were to dehydrate!"
Colonel Abenard: (chuckling to himself) "Nonsense, my dear. I was fine yesterday, and the day before that..."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (offering a tumbler to the Colonel) "Still, I would be quite relieved were you to steal a sip of my tonic."
Colonel Abenard: "Good Lady! A sip of your glass, however brief, would ruffle my mustache beyond repair!"
Scene fades out


Scene fades in on cemetary
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "How dreadful... to expire from thirst!"
Doctor Sutherland Southeby: (patting Lady Chambers on the arm) "Now, now, Chifferella — he brought it on himself."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (wailing) "Why did I not do more to prevent this morbid dessication!?"
Colonel Abenard: (mustache severely ruffled) "Mercy! I'm quite glad I partook of your tonic after all, Lady Chambers!" (peering into casket) "Who is this wasted chap?"
Scene fades out.

Now that's one for the Inkfinger Community Players...

Comments on this Article

There are currently 28 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]


I just LOVE Sprite! :D I wish I had a tub full of it too...


I don't think I could love ANY drink enough to guzzle it from a tub...

Well... maybe coffee.


"is it St. Swimmins Day already?"

I quite enjoy the play. I was on the edge of my seat.


It is full of intrigue and action...

Ara Pehlivanian

I don't believe you. I once drank all the water in the world. Man did I have to pee afterwards...


I have this incredibly sad image of Bearskinrug scalding himself with boiling coffee from an antique bathtub. Oh the humanity!


That was you, Ara? Thanks to you I couldn't make Kool-Aid for a week...


If Ara drank all the water in the world, then had to pee real bad, then what did I shower in this morning? I don't think I'm going to like the answer to this question.


I wonder if you worked out really hard, got all sweaty and then got into a bathtub full of Sprite if it would fizzle over the top.
Is this guy going to dry off with a Fruit Roll Up?

Hugh G.

Kevin, your mastery of British wit is absolutely capital! Good show old boy!

Also your comic just slayed me. Not sure I approve of people drinking Sprite contaminated by naughty bits, but funny none-the-less.


That last panel can easily stand alone. Just great!
If the funding comes through and you should take that play on the road, count me in for the Florida production.


Now, was the man bathing in Sprite using soap?


Now, was the man bathing in Sprite using Soap?


Sorry, accidentally double-tapped my mouse. It's dead now...


Obey Your Thirst!


That last image there is pretty naughty. Rawr! I mean, ew.


Hugh G. - Why, thank you, good sir... it's from years of illegitimately owning a .co.uk...
The Jones/Jared - Yeah - that does stand well on it's own pretty good... it's supported by the "Ewww/Haha" factor...


I don't understand half the posts on this site...


wait a tick? you mean? these posts are supposed to make sence?.... never though of it that way.

lol is someone just a tad thirsty? kevin?

Biggest Apple

Nothing like dry humor to convey the perils of dehydration.


Bathing in Mountain Dew would stop people from drinking out of your bathtub, cuz it looks like pee.


Justin - You know what... me neither.

Richard - I believe lack of liquid improves my writing...

Apple - Haha :)

Stinn - But it looks like pee even when it's not in the bathtub, and people still drink it!

Charles G.

I'm curious as to what a severely ruffled mustache might look like.


Every time I re-read this play, I'm more and more convinced I'll need to draw it.


Its all about presentation and packaging...


of course! a sprite bath! why didn't i think of this before? it's so simple...

also, i too think you should draw out the play, as i'm sure it involves fancy hats and even fancier eyebrows.


Hehe. I loved the little play.


ha ha ha ha! that was one of the best comics i saw in the last months. and the play...hmm wel the importance of beeing earnest or this...hmm clearly this! ho ho

[ Back to Top ]

Recent Articles

[ Visit Article Archives ]

Who Carols Mojo and the Leaves MUSTACHE! The Symbol For Jerk Interpreting Excelsior Dead Love The Big Sandwich Mojo The Bounty Hunter Sketchbook 22 Live! Six-Penny Anthems II