Thursday, February 03, 2005

Your Hazards and Me

Your Hazards and Me

Responsibility Has An Airbag

I often stumble into this little scenario. Motorist A has one teensy-weensy little errand to run in the supermarket. Now, Motorist A could look for a parking spot, but he'll only be "a couple of minutes", and it's almost a 10-20 second walk to the entrance from the closest parking space. What to do!? Well, luckily, the auto industry installs "hazard" lights in every car, for emergency use. So, Motorist A pulls gingerly into the fire lane, and flicks on his hazards. Problem solved.

Except...Motorist A isn't really having an emergency, is he? In fact, Motorist A is actually causing problems for other drivers, who have to slow to a crawl to eek past the "A-mobile". Except... that isn't really happening either, is it? Motorist B, C, and D haven't wasted any time in pulling up behind A.

A Brief Flirtation with Logic

There is a lesson to be learned from this. Apparently, my hazards are a waiver, that allow me to ignore traffic rules whenever I want. I can park in the middle of a four lane highway, and switch my hazards on, and everything's fine. Bill can pull up onto the sidewalk, park next to the street vendor, and order his meal like it's the drive-through at Wendy's. Perhaps this even extends beyond the realm of traffic. Provided her hazards are on, Sally can do a line of coke off the hood of her camry - in front of the District Courthouse - and no one can prosecute.

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right...

Now, I guarantee that half of you reading this right now have used your hazards like some sort of cheat code in the game of life. You're probably sitting in the office right now, embezzling millions of dollars while your car is blinking out in the parking lot, on top of an endangered owl. Fool! Deep down, don't you know your actions are wrong? Stop it, I say - before I have to take matters in my own hands...

Because after all...I have blinkers too.



Comments on this Article

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Did you get that car reference from GTA SA?


That's the taxi.

Now I can write-off my videogames.


So, can you use your four-ways (that's what we call 'em in Maryland) while you're making a turn without a directional signal (that's what they call 'em in Canada)? Does that excuse the assinanity or add to it?


i can assure you that the blinkers are not an infallible cheat code.

parking illegally and putting your blinkers on is standard practice in center city philly, so after a brief period of head-shaking and annoyance, i decided to give in one day. i was getting ready to go down to virginia for thanksgiving, so i parked my car in front of my condo, just on the wrong side of a "no parking any time" sign. i went up the stairs to grab some suitcases, came back down, and found a ticket on the windshield. not only did the parking enforcement officer ignore my blinkers, he/she snarkily wrote "any time" at the bottom of the ticket and underlined it.

then again, i've seen people park in that same spot for entire days and not get tickets (with no blinkers on, no less). i can say this--if you're going to park on the sidewalk, blinkers are mandatory.


Liz does it alllll the time.
sorry liz. =)


I am reminded of my 2nd driving test... the tyres screech, the screaming, why why, sitting in the corner , shiver,shiver its so very cold.


I was told once whilest businessing in Boston, not to use ANY signals--because by signalling I was assuming responsibility for any insuing accident.


Wayne - I think I know what happened. You got a ticket because your car HAS a windshield to attach the ticket to. You should remove it immediately...

Malibu - Are you serious? Who told you that?


The blinkers are good, but for ultimate
double/illegal parking, pop the hood as well.


Hah hah! Good idea!


As a pedestrian(and a number of times, the guy under the car) I hate you all.

Although I love that you used the "Konami" code...


That's "Contra" Chris. Not "Konami." You deserve to be shot with a rapid fire laser gun for that mistake. My guess is it wouldn't take long to bring you down since you don't know the proper code for 50 lives. Mwahahaha!


let me be the first to point out that "konami" is the name of the company that made "contra" and other games, and that the code used to get extra lives in "contra" also had beneficial effects in other games made by konami, thereby making "konami code" the acceptable, and even preferable, term in this case.

The Philanthropist

Rapid fire laser wuzzah? You're attempted humor through obscure exaggerated detail is making me sleepy.


Thanks for backing me on that one Wayne (but it seems we were both right, JR)

Konami Code


Thank god we avoided that duel to the death!


video game dorkness.


Anyway, so back to the blinkers-
my Grandmother called indicators...
um... wig-wags...


Wig Wags...

That actually makes a lot of sense. You could also call them..."Off N' On's." or "Tickity-Tucks".


Maybe old nanna-isms could be an off-shoot of your dictionary word of the day... ie What could you buy with a brass razoo? What does a Tupeny Crumpet taste like? And who the F**k is Bucksheesh George?


so, on the walk home from work I see a transit bus, on the side of the road, blinkers blinking. I imagined the driver at the 7-11 getting donuts.
im pretty sure you`ve ruined emergency lights for me..
but survive I shall

J. Livingston

LMAO, that was too funny. This is one of the few sites that I make a point to visit regularly. Thanks. :)


Thank you! It's nice to know people enjoy the site!

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