Thursday, October 04, 2007
The real Bigfoot, of course, wouldn't be reading a human's tabloid paper. He obviously would read some tabloid with a core audience of Sasquatches, or perhaps even other mythical monsters. With headlines like "Smallfoots Seen On Mountain! In Rolling Metal Boxes!", or "Mysterious Creatures Beyond Loch Ness! Men and Women Alike Donning Colorful Plaid Skirts!".
Anyway, for any of this to be true, there would have to be special, monster-exclusive supermarkets hidden throughout the world, or where else could the creatures get their tabloids? Which proves this is all just obvious fiction, because the very idea of a retailer with minimal market exposure, catering to a diminishing demographic, supporting a global distribution network, specializing in monster-related foodstuffs and luxury goods while remaining a completely privately-owned company is absolutely preposterous.
I mean... COME on... right?