Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Survival Instincts

Survival Instincts

Knowing Is Half The Battle

I'm always quite interested in books, television shows, and movies about wilderness survival. Which is odd, considering I have absolutely no urge to experience the outdoors. I think my interest stems from the belief that if I ever am stranded in the wilderness, my theoretical knowledge will come in handy. Although... my theoretical knowledge about cooking only helps me understand exactly why my dinner creations suck. So I suppose realistically, my theoretical wilderness knowledge will only help me understand just what I did wrong to end up being eaten by a bear.

Island Living

Of all the survival scenarios, I think being stranded on a deserted island is the one for which I'm most well-equipped. The majority of the books, shows, and movies I've seen focus on that particular environment. I think I'd be especially good at creating an imaginary friend to keep my sanity, much like Tom Hanks did in Cast Away. Mojo has kept me company for many years, despite the flaw of not being alive, able to move, or talk. In fact, if I could pick one thing to be stranded on an island with, it might be Mojo. Though, I could always use my socks to create a new sock monkey. Maybe I'd bring a canteen instead, or a flare gun. Either one would make an adequate companion once I drew a smiley face on it.

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Totally LOL! or as the British would say. Exquisitely Funny

Terry Tolleson

I love Rescue Team Hazing rituals; as evidenced by the “freshman” walking up to shore after having swam the distance from the main boat.

Russer Butter

No, no that would be me looking for sea critters to rescue, screw the castaways.


Might I suggest putting a smiley face on a can of beans? Practical and friendly.

Of course, in this scenario you've limited yourself to one thing, which precludes the carrying of a can opener.

Hrm. Yes, we have here the classic chicken-egg conundrum here. What to do, what to do....


As a young buck one of the first books I ever read was a book called "Hatchet" which was basically about a boy flying to visit his father and his carryon item was this hatchet his mother bought him before the trip. The plane crashes and he's the only survivor with his hatchet, which ends up being the tool he uses for almost everything along his journey in survival.

That was always my game plan too, until now I can't even take a bottle of water with me as a carry on, much less a hatchet, I'd be lucky to sneak a tooth pick tucked inbetween my ear and my scalp.


Hey look! Survivorman just just attacked Bear Grylls with his own parachute! Shark Week be damned!


Ericzoo - Or... "Exquisitely Funny, Old Bean"...

Terry - Yeah... and then they paddle you with the oar if you don't make it...

Russer - "Rescue" or "Eat", russer?

Shane - Wow... did he at least keep the hatchet in a bag or something? Or did he just walk onto the plane gently stroking it in his hands?

Testmonkey - Man, Bear Grylls would totally win. In a "better survival show" contest.


I seem to run into my ex-girlfriend everywhere... maybe this guy had the right idea. I need to move to a deserted island to get away from her too.

diane witman

Thank goodness you didn't display his "plumber crack" although this would be a perfect opportunity considering his position.

Is he a metal-band lover or as he been on the island for such a time that his hair is that long?

Where is rescue unit 001? Are they hazing a new recruit on another part of the island? They should make him climb trees for coconuts. I bet Mojo would be excellent at that!

The Colonel

As entertaining as Bear is, unfortunately, he's bat-shit crazy. Survivorman Les Stroud, on the other hand, gives an accurate portrayal of how much it sucks to try to survive in those conditions.

Either way, I'd still prefer trying to get the eff out of dodge over sitting around trying to survive on elephant dung and roaches.

Russer Butter

Mmm... sea critters... wait what were we talking about. Oh yeah rescue teams, personally I would play games with the rescuers taunting them from the trees and telling them to get off my island, I found it first. As to surviving, probably wouldn't last that long, but then again I wouldn't have to, I already have the long hair and could pull off the stranded for years islander look after a week of not shaving.


sounds to me like your best bet would be bear repellent.

they have a great unscented version at academy sports and outdoors.

turns out, even the most adventuresome folks haven't really learned to avoid the bite of the bear. and if i'm not mistaken that unscented repellent i mentioned has a picture of a camper happily eating a fish right in front of a bear. so you wouldn't even need to cut your finger open to paint on a smiley face.


He had a spiffy leather case that his belt was strung through. So he wore it at his hip, as if it was a pocket knife or something.


You could always bring Kim along and draw a smile on her.

hey ericzoo - I thought the Brits said, "That's well funny - innit". Perhaps I'm in the wrong part of England....if only I had a flare...


Gerren - Hah - interesting. I myself am pretty safe from running into an ex, seeing as I only had one. Booyah!

Diane - Maybe all those years on the island made his buttocks disappear. Yet another survival sacrifice.

Colonel - Haha - yeah, Bear does seem "excited to suffer" sometimes. But his enthusiasm makes the show a bit more entertaining. Plus, I hate watching shows where people are really trying to make things harder for themselves than they need to, and I know Les Stroud does all the camera work himself, and so often has to wade through swamps and desert and such more than he really needs to in order to "set up shots". Bear has a camera crew, yeah, but I appreciate that he's not trying to impress me by being "totally alone" when it's more practical to have a camera crew for safety and speed...

Martha - Haha - I didn't realize there was such a thing as Bear Repellent. That'll be good to know next time I go on a pick-ee-nick...

BigA - Kim? Why... I suppose I could! The question is, would she want to be stranded on an island with ME instead of Mojo?

Mountain Gnome

but what if his ex wanted to get back together with him, having lost contact with him and then after hearing of his possible survival on the island came to come and rescue him..... hmm I wonder if he considered that aswell?


Mountain Gnome- HA! Fat chance, she probably just wanted some of her stuff back...like that volley ball you painted a face on…


Hmm, I think I'd like to be stranded with Mojo. If I leave him out in the rain, I can later parch my thirst, as opposed to just get a grumpy Kevin.

The Colonel

Sorry... it's all that time I ACTUALLY spent in the French Foreign Legion... unlike that bastard Bear. Survival is hard, especially when you're trying to impress all those elitist lions. Dicks.


But Bear was in the British Special Forces... that has to count for something, inndat right, guvna? (Keeping with the british accent theme)


Oh yeah rescue teams, personally I would play games with the rescuers taunting them from the trees and telling them to get off my island


Tanner Christensen

Who says you have to be stranded on an island to enjoy the company of an item with a smiley face drawn on it?

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