Friday, December 30, 2005

A Tasty Resolution

A Tasty Resolution

Bake A Smaller Pie

I believe that the New Year's Resolution may cause more harm than good. Think about it — how many people make a stalwart promise to improve their life, a promise that deteriorates by about mid-February? Then, the only thing they've gained from their resolution is a gnawing guilt that will haunt them until they start the cycle all over again next year.

The root of this problem is that people don't realistically view a year as the enormous amount of time it is. In one year, think of how far the Earth actually travels around the Sun! Or how many meals you eat... or words you speak. Think of how much your life can change in one year's time. You can conceive and birth an entire human child, with time to spare! You could also theoretically give birth to a number of half-man creations... a goat (145-155 days), a gorilla (257 days), a tiger (105-113 days), a moose (240-250 days), or a raccoon (63 days). Why, you could have 17 litters of mousemen in one year!

But I'm getting off-topic here. What's really important isn't that you conceive some kind of radical deviation from nature — even though it would impress everyone and probably get you a Nobel Prize — it's that you relax about making a year-long resolution, and concentrate on smaller goals. You can move ten feet in ten tiny steps much easier than in one, long ten-foot step.

Unless you're a manephant. But you gotta wait, like, two years for one of them.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 19 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]

norm

mmm... post-cushion-pressed-stale-resolutioned-pie... is there anything it can't do?

bearskinrug

It can't taste good. At least once it's fully matured.

JCRogers

I think I'm going to make that same resolution. Only I might complete the pie!
(or find a better hiding place)

Owen

Damn you Kevin, now I want to get myself a manephant. 10 proverbial feet in one proverbial step, that could lead to an awful lot of proverbial resolutions. Oh, I've just confused myself....oh yeah, a Manephant...

bearskinrug

JCRogers - Make sure it's an Apple Pie. You don't want to make any mistakes...

Owen - You better get started now... what's the closest zoo?

jordan

I, too, aprove of making practical resolutions.

My only question is how manephants are made. Are they the bastard offspring of one night of horrid mistakes at the local zoo, or is there a more horrendous explanation?

Mr. David

Still, not as bad as a manpanzee.
Yikes.

Jared

What about the Mancake?

jordan

The worst man-anything is easily man-Faye. Nothing can top that.

Lo Wattles

Just as I was pondering my new year's resolutions: draw or do art every day, work out during lunch at the work fitness center 4 times a week, keep the house cleaner, then I read your message. I know you're right, I just have so many things I want to do, and so little time, that I don't know where to start, or what to give up, or how to do better, ... Help!

dcpeg

Any journey starts with one step which had better be small and careful so ya don't trip, fall and break a leg thus ruining the whole thang!

tony

thank you for amusing me once again, kevin. keep up the good work!

Mr. David

I'm not sure what's worse... Man-Faye or ManPan.
But fear not, there's MORE!

murten

HAPPY NEWYEAR Kev!

Fi

Oh my god....Man-pan....i've been scarred for life....

Captain Purple

Mmm, manephant. Thems good eatin'

I made a more pratical resolution this year, I'm trying to avoid tpyos.


Aw crud.

norm

had a little half-hurl after being foolish enough to look at the man-faye link... i'll not click a link to ManPan for fear of heaving full-on...

Terry Tolleson

Jordan -- MINE EYES!

My New Year's Resolution is actually a word (combo, really) follow through. I am going to just make the attempt to complete whatever it is I say I will do, when I say I will do something. Others I know picked words like "faith", "positive", or "smile", etc.

[ Back to Top ]

Recent Articles

[ Visit Article Archives ]

Who Carols Mojo and the Leaves MUSTACHE! The Symbol For Jerk Interpreting Excelsior Dead Love The Big Sandwich Mojo The Bounty Hunter Sketchbook 22 Live! Six-Penny Anthems II