Friday, September 26, 2003

Hate Mail (From Me)

Hate Mail (From Me)

Here is the latest letter I sent:

Dear Mr. Pintulo,

After considering your demand that I "leave your dog alone", I have decided that your threats regarding "immediate legal action" are baseless — no dog could ever give sufficient testimony in a court of law.

However, in an effort to fix our soured relationship, I agree to make your dog a tiny helmet. This should give him greater cranial protection during flight. Also, I promise to restrict the range of the cannon to under 150 yards.

Your next-door neighbor,

Kevin Cornell

Comments on this Article

There are currently 6 comments.

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After several months of carnage I just found I can slaughter civilians INSIDE the airport terminal! God, life is great.


Hmmm. I believe you posted in the wrong entry. You wanted the driving entry...

Mr. Pintulo

Dearest Kevin,
Thank you for the response regarding the abuse of my poor shnookums. In your depraved mind you probably think that you're doing me a favor altering the conditions of your "playtime" with my little angel. Rest assured that these latest conditions will not suffice and that your willingness to endanger Fluffy is going to lead to legal action. Tiny dog helmet?!? A range of 150 yards?!?!? Clearly, you're missing my point! A compressed oxygen cannon is too great of an explosion risk, I've asked and asked again for you to convert to modified compressed CO2 gun but you just won't listen. Please make the aforementioned change or I will be forced to call my lawyers.
Thank you and good day,
Mr. Pintulo


Pintulo! I've had it up to here with your threats!

Uh, I'm making a gesture to indicate "here". If you saw it you'd probably be pretty intimidated...

Mr. Pintulo

I've tried to be more mister nice guy!! Oh, and by the way, could I have my collection of "Debbie does ..." video tapes back?


Pintulo. You were never nice. And those tapes are my intellectual property. I settled this with the studio.

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