Monday, November 28, 2005

The Knitted Hat

The Knitted Hat

The Virtues of Virtues

Selflessness is a top-notch heating method. Other virtues that keep you warm are Piety and Reverence. Honesty has slighty warming effects, but for the most part it brings mild guilt. Punctuality ensures healthy teeth and gums; so stay prompt if you can't monitor your sugar intake.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 21 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]

Pierce

Self-righteousness can maintain a full, healthy head of hair, or so I've heard.

Jason Santa Maria

Sure, but usually all your public hair falls out instead.

Anders

Swedeness is popular among the ladies, I hear... :D

Pierce

That's ok. You just have to balance your self-righteousness with cynicism, which is good for pubic hair. And also helps prevent brittle bones in later life.

bearskinrug

Pierce is right. Elderly cynics have FANTASTIC posture.

Biggest Apple

Fortitude sounds like a great virtue on paper but sadly causes horrific constipation.

Ian

Generosity appears to be very popular with the ladies.
Lucky me.

Ara Pehlivanian

His selflessness seems inversly proportional to his intelligence. Thermodynamics plays no favourites.

In the next frame (mercifully hidden from our view), he freezes in his virtuous stupor.

Mr. David

Mr. Pehlivanian's right.
Though selflessness makes you feel warmer for a short time, it actually restricts the bloodstream, thus making your body lose heat faster.

That poor Ambidextrous bastard is as good as dead within the hour.

sutter

paranoia actually makes you immune to purple nurples.

murten

Jason said pubLic, not pubic.

perverts.

paul

which is actually much much worse than pubic hair. public hair is the hair that everyone judges you by!

niff

great, i know what i am getting for secret santa. sheesh.

norm

selflessness is next to godlessness, which is a nearest neighbor to self-righteousness, which is seated just behind buttlessness, who is standing across from gutlessness, who is cantilevering over senselessness who has had too many shots of jager and is passed-out on the floor for all at the company holiday party to see...

bearskinrug

Buttlessness... I have that virtue...

relain

Is buttlessness better or worse than buttfullness?

jordan

Perhaps if that frigid chap were to put some clothes on, he'd be a bit warmer...

Murten

Isn't it Butlerless?

Greggie

Just ask my friend, Wes. Poor sumbitch had his lower vertibrae fused when he was 14 and because of this has no butt. He's like a damn board. Goes from back to leg ... hehhehe ...

Funny thing is, though, that he is that he is selfless, godless, self-righteous AND buttless and he keeps a bottle of Jaeger in his freezer. Hmmm ... makes you wonder how he fits all of that into the same chair.

greenlikeahappyfrog

i find that blatant stupidity can really keep you toasty...as you really have no concept of temperature extremes...or comfort. or clever repartee. you just wanna go watch that polar bear, play with the fire. ahhhhhhhhh.....mmmmm. toasty!

ed

i bought ambidextrous yesterday and it is one of the funniest things i have ever read. put out your next bbok soon !!

[ Back to Top ]

Recent Articles

[ Visit Article Archives ]

Who Carols Mojo and the Leaves MUSTACHE! The Symbol For Jerk Interpreting Excelsior Dead Love The Big Sandwich Mojo The Bounty Hunter Sketchbook 22 Live! Six-Penny Anthems II