Thursday, March 03, 2005

Horny Teen Scene: A Prequel

Horny Teen Scene: A Prequel

A Recounting by Peter Dalkner

Since I was the only other person to witness the events described in Kevin's previous site post, and the post before that, he asked if I would further round out the story. Here goes...

First off, this whole audio spectacle took place outside of a local coffee shop that specializes in the sale of tobacco products. In my feeble mind the presence of both these items makes for an environment well beyond the interests of young folk (I know... I have I lost touch). Thus allowing refined and under-employed individuals, such as Kevin and myself, the luxury of sitting down to some simple pleasures; coffee and some stimulated doodling time.

Paths Diverge

Kevin, in a fit of restraint, opted to grab a seat while I went inside to fetch a cup o' joe. Inside as I waited in line the sound of young girls giggling became all too apparent. Two pre-teens were playing the x-rated version of a touch screen puzzle game and having a giddy fit. I thought this was hilarious. Was this some kind of biology class assignment? Perhaps sex-ed homework for extra credit? Whatever the reason, discovering the beauty of the human body through the use of a pornographic novelty game goes way up on my list of "Things that make America great, Jerkwad!" Maybe this new educational tool will find it's way into the public school system? While all these thoughts ran through my head the background cadence of noises were as follows: *Ba-Bloop* "Ewwwwwwww!" "Teeheeheeheehee!" repeat X100.

Paths Converge

Cup of coffee in hand, I ran outside eager to tell Kevin my amusing story. As I sat down and started to sputter out this juicy bit about the two girls I had just encountered he immediately shushed me. "How dare you?!?!" I thought. "This was too good to bottle up!" I felt like I was going to explode from awesomeness. The only explanation offered for making me zip it was a tiny arrow drawn in the corner of his sketchbook. I turned my head ever so slightly to see what could be sooooo damn great to make me want to shut up. After a few minutes of processing the unavoidable conversation merely inches away I had to concur, it was a lot more interesting than what I had to say.

So we listened. Which was not very hard to do. It couldn't even come close to what one would consider eavesdropping due to their amplified speech. The most surprising thing about the whole affair was how matter of fact the tone of the conversation was. These two could have been planning a birthday party or what to eat for dinner. In the end I remember the one teenage girl offering an explanation to the other girl for wanting a threesome. At her ripe old age, she was "bored with sex."

I guess kids are really growing up faster these days.

All in all Kevin plays a better straight man than I. Throughout all of this he was able to absentmindedly doodle away while I kept making "did you just hear that" faces at him. At the time the egg doodle seemed to take on a transcendental meaning. Hopefully it maintains a fraction of that power now, for all of you.

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I particularly find the girl on the left funniest... her face is such a mixture of interest, disgust, and a little fear...


This is such a disturbing story. What the heck is going on with teenagers? Are we that old? You 2 just had a day full of teen sex adventures! Just think what Ian would have done in your situation..he probably thinks you both deserve a good slap for not taking better advantage of these young sex kittens.



Yeah - it was an odd day. I must be getting old, since these are stories that scare me, instead of one's that make me high-five my buddies.

el bandelin

wow. you guys are better magicians than david blaine. making a whole lot outta nothing. exclamation point!



I mean... "Ow!"


You know what really scares me about this story? not the fact that it happens but the fact that it happens all around me and i never noticed it before....on the other hand i wear glasses...


sorry for taking up your space but i just noticed two things at the girl in the right that make me say "wow this is really life like" the cell phone-oh cursed be thy, devil device
and the nacked back- reason for so many kidney problems. the two signs of modern teenagers.


Heh he - yeh. Ironically, most of the kidney problems are caused by cell-phone radiation...

p. dalkner

jack, don't forget about the frayed waist-line jeans. nothing says "hip" like not being able to wear a belt!


Hey, Pete---where is the thiong that is supposed to be peaking out of her pants?


god bless america.

Lady Lioness

bah, i always love your adventures, haha!


since these girls were still on the immature side with about as many curves as an unsharpened pencil, i'd wager that thongs were at least six months away from being in their wardrobe. maybe as little as a month away if they find some strawberry shortcake or my little pony ones. how old were you when you first started sporting "minimalist" underwear?


You know what this reminds me of: my highschool desk-mate she had around 80kg, 1,60m and insisted on wearing a thong and to bend over to pick up her pen....I could never enjoy sex at it's full pleasure again


Pete--I am a lady, and insist only wearing the "thong" when appropriate attire requires it.
and hey, I don't think they are too young for thongs...they are talking about threesomes!!!!!! of course, thier moms are prob still buying thier


for the sake of clarity... the girls pictured at the mega touch screen were not the same ones talking about sexcapades. the girls that were playing the game were much younger and only spoke in giggles.


Hey! I heard that, The Niff!
I'll have everyone one know that I am happily married and haven't even touched a teenaged girl for almost a decade!
Course, I know someone who might've 'partook'. You all know who I'm talkin' about.


hehe, so that's what teen's in america are like....Here in Sweden they're nothing like that!


Yeah. It's kind of humiliating. It's like having a slutty country. And we're already a lazy spoiled country...

Wow. We're the Paris Hilton of the world...


well teens should know better not to do that


What the teens of today need is one of those good ol'-fashioned, stodgy sex-education films from the Cold War Era. All that today's in-your-face, MTV style sex-education films do is put kids in the "mood".

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