Wednesday, July 21, 2004

The Waffles Report, I.

The Waffles Report, I.

Yesterday morning, as I got in my car to go to work, I watched the neighbor's Golden Retriever (they have three, all of whom I have dubbed Waffles, as all Golden Retrievers should be named), heaving and lurching in the backyard — where he eventually vomited. It was quite spiritual for me.

In a continuation of astounding events, this morning my egg had two yolks.

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Wanna hear something amazing? I met a girl once who had 10 fingers. The amazing thing? All in one hand.


She must have been powerful.


She was an incredible flute player.


yesterday i saw shaun inman walking down the street. i stopped, a bit curious. he lives a block over from me. small world.

oh, and one summer i met this really cool guy who i hung out with everday....before he left for school i realized he had no fingers on his left hand!!! i didnt even notice allll that time. it was scary...and cool. he was such an animated guy too.


maybe your guy could talk to the girl i know. she has some fingers to share.

i´m sorry, that was not nice.


I guess you guys didn't go to the batting cages, eh niff?


The fingerless guy, I mean. I can't say what Inman might have been up to...


since we're talking about sightings, i've had a recent spate of celebrity run-ins. in the past few months, i've encountered allen iverson at a wawa in conshohocken, trading spaces carpenter amy wynn-pastor at the philly flower show, and ben stein at dulles airport.

allen and i exchanged head nods, amy just said hi, and ben gave me a look like, "please don't draw any attention to me. i just want to get my bags and go home."

do you like how i went to calling them by their first names? we're tight.

and i think they all had all their fingers. as for toes....


I've never had a REAL celebrity run in. Although, I did drive by a traffic back-up once - and moments later I heard about it on the radio.


About a REAL celebrity

When the pope came to Brasil he stopped in Belo Horizonte, my hometown.

I couldn't meet him cause i was not born yet, but sometimes, when i feel lonely, i can sense his presence....

hahahaha how gay is that?


In 1993 I ran an x-ray machine at the Portland (Oregon) airport, and I stopped a bag because it had these huge curved blades in it. Then I heard this whiny voice saying: "They're ice skates!" I looked over the machine to see Tonya Harding, back when she was famous as an Olympic figure skater instead of as an accessory to assault. I let her and her ice skates onto the plane, but maybe I shouldn't have...

Wait. What was the topic?


vomiting cats and dogs are so disgusting and I KNOW i'VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF seeing it a couple times. (accidentally hit the caps)


So Eric - is it illegal to have ice skates in your carry-on bag?


It wasn't illegal at the time... it probably is now, I'm not sure. I haven't worked in the airline security industry since then (or just "the industry" as people in the know would say).


Once, In Bethlehem, PA, I was driving on the highway when a minivan honked at me. I looked over and to my ashtonishment, the speeding car had a penis waving at me from the driver's seat. No body, just penis.


I Know him, his name is Paul.

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